why does it feel so good to get rid of thing? 
Maybe when we see how little we need to survive, it makes us see how powerful we actually are. 
To strip down to only what we need, to hang on what we need, what we want, not to survive, but to fly. 

Grey's Anatomy S10-15

He is peddling hope. There is nothing more addictive than it.   Law and Order S13:21

個人慘痛經驗，分享出來希望能提醒大家將來注意。
我幾年來都有服用中藥，但極少服用西藥。一向身體也沒大問題。
今年六月開始服用西藥，我有告知開中藥的醫生我服用的是什麼藥(只有一種）。因為這位中西醫師（現在醫院的四十左右及更年輕的中醫師都是中西醫師，有西醫執照的）開藥都是很多複方加一堆小藥，所以我有小心翼翼繞著彎和他說:　我現在開始服用這一項西藥，你開藥時看看是否不要開到可能有衝突的藥。（因為這位醫生心高氣傲，對他說話要分外小心，不然會得到"啊，你不要再來了，我不會看啦"
他當時有應，但時不時說:“你不要吃西藥啦，你根本就沒什麼病"
幾個月來人一直腫上去，他看到我時就會念:”你為什麼水腫，你吃西藥那麼毒的藥..."
到了前天，我在網上看其他資訊時，逛到kingnet 醫藥問答，看到如下:
一、磺胺類藥物
磺 胺類藥物 (如sulfadiazine等) 不宜與含有豐富有機酸的中藥或其複方制劑 (如烏梅、山楂、山萸肉、五味子及烏梅丸、參麥飲、五味消毒飲、川芎茶調散等 )合用，因為大量有機酸可使乙醯化後的磺胺溶解度減低，易在腎小管內析出結晶，阻塞和損傷腎臟，引起血尿、尿閉，甚至急性腎功能衰竭。(1,4)
磺胺類藥物不宜與含鞣質類中藥 (如地榆、石榴皮、五倍子、訶子、大黃、虎杖等) 同服，因為鞣質可與磺胺類藥物結合，影響其排泄，導致血及肝內磺胺藥濃度增高，嚴重者可發生中毒性肝炎。(1,2)
  而大黃這項就是我五六個月來吃的藥裡一定有的。有時是單項，有時是在複方裡（桃核承氣湯etc) 
我大驚之下，昨天回診拿著印出來的資料（後來發現這是很普通的知識，台北市立聯合醫院網頁和中藥大廠港香蘭網頁及很多藥學相關網站都有）給中醫師看。
他看了說:“啊，你不要來了，我不會看"　我:就只有請你注意以後開藥不要有大黃這味就好"
結果，昨天的藥出現了一項之前沒見過的複方。上網一查，依然有大黃。

結論就是，在現在醫療環境裡，真正用藥把關的人，是自己。我早該在開始服西藥時，就上網查一查中西藥服用禁忌。而不是只做個負責認真的病人，告知醫生我吃什麼其他的藥，請你注意不要有衝突。

五個月來對肝腎的傷害（五個月重了五公斤，復健師每週看到我三次都會說:你腫腫的），是在我身上。概括承受的，是我。

Q: a million dollars apartment is just peripheral benifits?
A: In our world, it is.
Q: In our world, it's called a bribe.
A: In our earth, it is a gift.
Q: A gift is giving without consideration, there is no quid pro quo.  You receive an apartment in exchange for....        Law and Order S13:20

'Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

隱性心理模型

我們每個人都有的隱性心理模型會過濾我們隨時隨地獲得的感知，並且預先判斷我們的處境。而且沒錯，它們很可能影響到我們各式各樣的態度和信念-不管是針對自己或別人。隱性心理模式的呈現可能是一種身體的感覺，一種情緒反應，一種偏頗的感知，或一種行為反應模式。我們不會察覺自己是因為過去經驗而產生偏見，反而堅信我們的信念和反應都是根據當下的明智判斷而來。　　---第七感

當我們面對造成自身現況的事件和影響，便會發現那些阻礙我們達成渴望目標的惰性和習慣。真相往往讓我們不安。

一般而言，我們是痛苦到忍無可忍的時候，才會開始改變。那時我們才會頓悟人生不能排練，沒有重來的機會。人生在世雖然充滿了不確定，生命卻是有限的。每天都有各個年齡層的人死去，大多數都有未了的心願。
                                                                   Never stop Dancing. 

The mind holds out hope that the body can be whole again.  And the mind will always fight for hope, tooth and nail. until it finds a way of understanding this new reality and accepts that what's gone is gone forever. 

Grey's Anatomy S9-12

The body does not know the difference between nerves and excitement. panic and doubt, the beginning and the end. the body just tells you to get the hell out.  Sometimes you ignore it, that's the reasonable thing to do.  But sometimes you listen to it.  You are supposed to trust your gut, right?  When you body says run.  RUN.

Grey's Anatomy.  S9-9

這種”這算沒有東西也總有辦法”的感覺，一旦經驗過了，一下子就會變得輕鬆。

--怦然心動的人生整理魔法　

自己真正喜歡的事物根源，就算時間流逝也不會改變。而且，整理絕對可以幫助你發現這個根源。......你擁有的東西，會正確地訴說你自己的選擇歷史。因此，整理也是為了發現自己喜歡事物的自我盤點。　　　　　-怦然心動的人生整理魔法　

"不心動的東西就丟掉" 相信試過的人都發現"心動"和"不心動"的判斷，其實沒那麼困難。因為在碰觸東西的那一瞬間，心中的答案就已經揭曉。困難的是要做出"丟掉"的決定。因為總是有各種理由阻撓我們丟東西: ....... 但是，如果深入追究就會發現，其實無法丟東西的原因其實只有兩個，就是"對過去的執著" 和"對未來的不安"。

擁有什麼東西，就等同於你的生活態度。而"對過去的執著" 和"對未來的不安"，不僅可以了解你擁有物品的方式，還能從中發現你在做一切選擇時的共通原具，如與人交往的方式，或選擇工作的方法等。

 --怦然心動的人生整理魔法

"碰觸時是否怦然心動?"把東西一個一個拿在手裡，留下令你心動的東西，丟掉不心動的東西。請想像一下只被心動的東西所圍繞的生活，這才是你想擁有的理想人生，不是嗎?只留下令你怦然心動的東西，剩下的全部毅然決然地丟掉。如此一來，從這一刻起ｍ，過去的人生會重新啟動，全新的人生就要開始。   --怦然心動的人生整理魔法，近田麻理惠

透過用手觸摸帶著回憶的物品，才能與過去面對面。若是一直放在衣櫃抽屜和紙箱裡，不管過了多 久，都還是會被過去的回憶所牽制，而這些東西或許就會在不知不覺間變成現在的包袱。     -- 怦然心動的人生整理魔法

Patience

I believe these things happen to me for a reason.  I just have to have the patience to wait for the reason to reveal itself. 

Medium.

The few wonders of the world only exist while there are those with the sight to see them.
- Charles de Lint

Maybe I do believe it.  All these 'meant-to-be' stuffs.  Why not believe it, really? Who wouldn't want more romance in their lives?
Maybe it's up to us to make it happen.  To show up and be meant to each other.

Grey's Anotomy S9-7

Time is priceless. Yet it costs us nothing. You can do anything you want with it but to own it.  You can spend it, but you can't keep it. Once you lost it, there is no getting it back.  It's just gone. 

It could be scary to find out that you have been wrong about something.  But we can't be afraid to change our minds. To accept that things are different. That they will never be the same.  For better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we're willing to accept what is and not what we thought, we will find ourselves exactly where we belong.  

Intuitions, always have our best interests at heart. But too often, we become distracted by fears, doubts, or own stubborn hopes, to refuse to listen. 

Because when you know who you are, it's easier to know what you are about.  And ultimately, what you really need.   --Grey's Anatomy S9,E4

Sometime there is nothing more exciting than getting back what you had and lost. - Dextor

when we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle, A weight lifts, the sun shines little brighter.  And for a brief moment at least, we find a little peace.    Grey's Anatomy. S9-3
 

• ‎'Slumps are like a soft bed. They're easy to get into and hard to get out of.'
  Johnny Bench.

emotion

'perception is the key to transformation'

'how you feel determines your view to the world'

'it would be a terrible thing not able to trust your own mind.' -Fringe

 each choice we make creates a new reality.  

matters are energy waiting to happen.

the only way we grow

'letting go is the easy part. It's the moving on that's painful. so sometimes we fight.  to keep everything the same.  but things can't stay the same. at some point you have to let go. because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow '

'We are all alone in this world. Anybody tells you otherwise is lying to you or trying to sell you something.

Grey's anatomy

Rather than imagine a new life, I pretended about the old one.

But along the way I have made more mistakes than that one. Probably the biggest of them was not accepting the inevitability of change more than twenty years ago.  Rather than imagine a new life, I pretended about the old one.  And for that I have surely paid a price.  In my darker moods, I feel the cost has been too high, that fate has exacted an unfair revenge.  But most of the time, when I think of how much worse it all could have turned out, I realize I have been lucky.  It does not matter, though.  I am going on.  I have never doubted that.

The Innocent. Scot Turow.

the voice in your head

you can seek the advice of others, surround yourself with trusted advisers.but in the end, the decision is always yours. and yours alone. And when it's time to act and you are all alone, with your back to the wall, the only voice that matters is the one in your head. the one that telling you what you probably already knew.  the one that is almost always right.

Grey's Anatomy

The Innocent

In “Innocent,” he’s exploring the many ways in which, time after time, we fail to under­stand ourselves, in which we miss or misinterpret the evidence that could tell us who we are. “If we are always a mystery to ourselves,” Anna asks at the end of Sabich’s latest ordeal, “then what is the chance of fully understanding anybody else?” That’s a novelist’s question as much as it is a lawyer’s.

NY Times book review on "The Innocent"


Nat reflects on “the screwy epistemology of the courtroom, where the million daily details of a life suddenly get elevated to evidence of murder,” and in this he may be speaking for Turow himself: a practicing attorney who appears to have become more preoccupied with the ambiguities of the law (which are many) than its certainties (which are few). The effect of spending a lifetime in the halls of justice, his novels suggest, is — or should be — a growing sense of the law’s incapacity to explain anything important about human folly. Justice may not be entirely blind, but it appears to have cataracts. It turns everything fuzzy and dim. Worst of all, it doesn’t know how to tell a story.

And that, in the end, may be the reason Turow continues to write novels, to have his bit on the side while apparently remaining faithful to his long-term relationship with the law. It’s clear in “Innocent” how different young lawyers like Anna and Nat are from older ones, who still have their ambitions but have been relieved of most of their illusions. Legal lifers like Sabich and Molto have seen too much and say, at times, too little. They’ve become cautious, reluctant to speak or act for fear of muddying the truth again. They play everything so close to the vest, keep their own counsel so rigorously, that they’ve become, in a way, strangers to themselves. It’s terribly sad when, at the end of “Innocent,” Sabich begins to speak for himself once more and what he has to say is: “Accepting the truth is often the hardest task human beings face.” (He’s also an epistemologist, of sorts.) By some odd process, Sabich’s repetition compulsion has led him to a kind of rueful clarity about himself, a belated sense of who he is and who, all along, he has been. 

重要

年紀漸長，學到的是:重要的事越來越少，但它們越來越重要。

日日捨

好友發起日日捨活動，清理家裡。我覺得很有趣，加以響應。
不過第三日，我就說了一句名言: 沒東西可丟。

過去21年來，我搬了15.次家。其中三次美國到台灣，二次台灣到美國。另十次則在美國大陸累積哩程。目前，除了日用衣物，廚房浴室裡用品之外，只餘丟了會動搖"人"本的：二箱日記(小學三年級起的作文，週記，及長大後日記)，二箱相本及信件，一箱各類有紀念性小物的雜物箱。
真的，沒太多"留著以後可能會用到，還蠻好的"物件。

想來，我捨物的本事，修得差不多。但盼捨情的功夫，能早日長進。